


I Was Never Here

by AriesLock



Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: After End, Angst, Existential Crisis, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Torture, Multi, Muteness, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-22
Updated: 2019-05-18
Packaged: 2019-09-24 15:08:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 8,562
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17102897
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AriesLock/pseuds/AriesLock
Summary: Ever since Saeyoung was rescued, he wasn’t the same.





	1. Hospital

He’s still there. He hasn’t moved.

Saeyoung’s condition continued to decrease as the days went by, slowly but surely losing the life his eyes once held. He should be happy, right? He got rescued from his father, both him and Vanderwood got out alive. Most importantly, his brother was back. Alive, and seemingly happy.

But, Saeyoung wasn’t happy. Far from it. He had met many traumatic events while working at the agency, but this was worse.

It wasn’t some business owner that he and Vanderwood had to take down, it wasn’t another company the agency had problems with, it was the prime minister, _his father._

While Saeyoung has feared this man his entire life, meeting him for the first time had to have been the most terrifying experience he had ever been through.

He saw the same malice in his eyes as his mother. So cruel. So dark. A bone chilling glare that had a frown to match. He and Vanderwood were locked in a room. It was nothing new to them, really. They have had their fair share of being in confined rooms. Until they were separated.

Since then, his father would take his own personal visits to Saeyoung, draining him emotionally and physically. He could never remember the events clearly, all he remembered was that he woke up with bruises and words floating in his head.

The Prime Minister knew so much more than he had let on, he knew of the torture Saeyoung and Saeran had been through, he knew about Saeyoung’s life in the agency, he knew what happened to Saeran after Saeyoung had left.

Saeyoung has always thought that Saeran had been living peacefully, as V said, when actually, he was suffering.

In the prime minister’s words, _After you left, he got kidnapped by that lady called Rika, you know her very well, don’t you? Sorry she betrayed you, she tortured your brother endlessly, and now he’s broken. You didn’t do a thing. You should’ve known that V lied to you._

Saeyoung tried to deny it, no, V would never lie to him, right? But as time went on, as the months went by, Saeyoung was convinced. He lost hope that the RFA would find them, heck, he lost hope they were even looking for him. He had always been a burden to them.

Saeran, he thought about him the whole time, but it slowly went from, “How will Saeran feel about this?,” to ,”He would rather have me gone.”

As the fourth month came by, Vanderwood had broken open the door along with what looked like security guards.

Saeyoung didn’t remember much from that day, one minute Vanderwood was telling him to stay conscious, and the next he was in a hospital bed, with gauze bandages covering his body.

He was surprised to see the RFA come visit him. Specifically Yoosung, who broke down in tears at the sight of him. Saeyoung for some reason, still wasn’t happy. He didn’t have the energy to crack a joke or even a smile, all he did was stare out the window as Yoosung stood next to him with a concerned face.

Saeyoung was still thinking of Saeran. Oh god, where was he now? Was he dead? Was he alive but imprisoned? Did Rika really do something like that, and was she really still alive?

The first was answered when a man with white hair and mint green eyes entered his room claiming to be Saeran.

Saeran sat next to the unresponsive Saeyoung, looking slightly annoyed.

“Just letting you know,” Saeran started, “I don’t forgive you.”

While Saeyoung had expected that, he still felt his heart shatter. Of course he wouldn’t, why would he after you abandoned him? 

“What? Have nothing to say to me?” Saeran said, little emotion in his voice, Saeyoung continued to look down.

“Of course you wouldn’t, you didn’t care at all, did you?” _No, no,_ “I bet you didn’t think of me at all when you went to the agency.” _I did it for you, please stop._

Still, Saeyoung didn’t have the heart to respond, knowing any effort to defend himself would back fire.

“Whatever...” After that one word, he was gone. He could’ve said something, he could’ve told him everything he had heard from their father and apologize, he could have told him how much he missed him, but he didn’t.

It would be meaningless, just as his father had said. He had never felt so empty in his life. Is this how Saeran felt when he was gone? No, Saeran always has it worse than him, he shouldn’t feel like this.

He couldn’t compare the pain he was feeling to Saeran’s, that would be wrong. While Saeran didn’t visit him for the rest of the day, the other RFA members did.

Jumin made attempts to talk to him, but left shortly after. Zen tried to offer support, but ultimately left as well. Jaehee asked about what happened, but eventually gave up. Then, someone else came to visit.

Saeyoung swore that he had seen this person before. They said that they were MC, the one who had entered the chatroom as the, “new party coordinator,”.

They had said that they were Saeran’s partner and significant other, and explained the situation they had found themselves in. This is when Saeyoung had actually felt a little joy. This person was the one that had saved Saeran.

Still, he didn’t have the energy to show, and soon that moment of joy faded to emptiness once more. Saeyoung wasn’t the one who had saved Saeran. They had. All Saeyoung did was abandon Saeran and ran off to an agency because some new stranger told him to.

Surprisingly, MC seemed to sort of understand Saeyoung’s silence.

“I know you’re probably tried,” they said to him, “So, I get why you don’t want to speak to anyone.” They smiled at him. 

“I know Saeran may not seem like it, but he’s really worried about you, so please get enough rest.” And they soon left.

Everything they had said came out so sweet and genuine, and he was glad to know this was the person that Saeran was with.

But, he still couldn’t help but feel like a husk of what he once was. Especially after what Saeran had said to him.

Who was he kidding? He was always nothing but a empty shell, and put on a happy mask so others wouldn’t worry about him. He managed to trick the whole RFA that he was happy, which made him feel so much worse.

As night came in, a unknown nurse brought him food. He didn’t eat it. 

He was too tried, and soon fell asleep, staring at the moon.


	2. Shooting Star

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yoosung comes to visit again.

_Let’s see, let’s see..._

Yoosung looked over his phone, swiping picture after picture until he found the one he was looking for. 

He shoved it into his pocket as he found himself in front of a all too familiar door. He took a breath and put a smile before slowly opening it. 

“Hi, Seven!” Yoosung said to alert the redhead of his presence. Saeyoung still looked the same. Same white hospital cloths, same gauze bandages wrapped around his arms and neck, and same dull expression on his face. Yoosung sighed through his nose before walking towards him. 

He took a seat in the chair at the bed side. “It’s good to see you again.” He nervously rubbed the back of his head.

“How was your day?” Yoosung asked, and was disappointed when he was met with silence, same as yesterday. “Still not up for talking, huh?” Yoosung laughed awkwardly.

“W-well...” Yoosung stuttered and took out his phone. “I recently went to the super market, and look what I found.” Yoosung pulled up the picture and let Saeyoung take a look.

“Tada!” It was a picture of a box full of honey buddha chips, “They had these on stock, and they were on sale so-“, Saeyoung wasn’t smiling. He wasn’t even showing any expression. The blank, sullen expression still remained plastered on his face. 

“I t-thought you would be a bit more— Oh who am I kidding you have tons of these anyway!” Yoosung said as if he were trying make the atmosphere less uncomfortable. 

Soon, an awkward silence filled the room, Yoosung sat there playing with his fingers while Saeyoung continued to look down.

“Seven, please talk to me...” Yoosung muttered out loud. “This isn’t the Seven I knew...”

Yoosung looked back up at Saeyoung, “The Seven I knew was always happy and energetic, he’d always tell jokes and... know how to make me laugh.” Yoosung went quieter that the last words.

“Even though he could be over whelming, he always knew what to say in order to cheer me up.” Yoosung put his hands over Saeyoungs, and cringed when he left the gauze.

“I... I want that Seven back...” Yoosung looked back up and his eyes went wide. Saeyoung’s expression still didn’t change, but at least he was looking at him. “Can you at least say something to me?” 

Saeyoung looked down, and moved his hand away from Yoosung’s, “Seven...?” Yoosung said shakily, feeling tears brim at his eyes. 

“O-Okay, fine.” Yoosung slowly got up from the chair and headed towered the door.

“I’ll... be back tomorrow. Okay?”

Yoosung didn’t wait for a response before he left.

-

Once Yoosung left, he went to the messenger

> Yoosung: Failed again T-T  
> 

A response from Zen quickly followed.

> ZEN: Wow really? Thought he’d be better by today, guess not

Jumin commented a few minutes later.

> Jumin Han: You both need to understand he won’t just start to feel better on a whim.  
>  ZEN: Says the robot

Yoosung sighed.

Jumin was right, Seven wasn’t going to automatically start to feel like himself again just because they start talking to him.

Saeran replied, which surprised Yoosung.

> Saeran: Just forget it, he doesn’t care.

Yoosung felt himself pout at what Saeran had said.

Seven does care, right? If he didn’t he wouldn’t even give him a second glance.

While Seven didn’t talk, he still listened to Yoosung, and the others when they were around.

 _Why hasn’t he been talking though?_ Yoosung thought. Did something happen when he was held hostage. What exactly did the prime minister do to him that would make Seven shut off completely?

This was going to be harder than he thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yoosung trying to make Seven happy gives me life.


	3. Stark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vanderwood thought he was one to glare daggers but, Saeran seems to have mastered that skill far better than Vanderwood had.

The first week of being held hostage by the prime minister, Vanderwood was sure the Agency would save them.

By the first month all the hope was gone.

He didn’t know why, maybe they eventually gave up, or they were bribed to stop searching for them.

While he’d hate to admit it, he was sort of the reason they were in this situation.

The prime minister contacted the agency about 707, and got clues to his whereabouts through Vanderwood without him even realizing it.

Before they could take further action, Vanderwood allowed himself to be taken too.

The two were in the same room together, hatching ideas to help them escape. Vanderwood only started to get worried once him and Seven were separated. 

God knows what they could be doing to him, if Seven died, it’d be Vanderwood’s fault for sure.

As the second month ended, Vanderwood was let go under the promise he’d never tell a soul about what had happened. The agency happily took him back, but he didn’t feel welcomed in the slightest.

Seven was still there, having god knows what happening to him. It didn’t sit well with Vanderwood, not one bit.

He couldn’t let Seven rot there solely on the mistake that Vanderwood made. So, he thought of the dumbest idea possible, flee the agency and try to get Seven back.

He had heard of Jumin Han. He was a supposed friend of 707, and ran a large and successful company at that.

They only way he could contact him was through Seven’s phone, which was probably still at his home.

It took awhile, but once he made it to his home and found his phone, he went to action.

-

> 707 had entered the chat  
>  Yoosung: ???  
>  Yoosung: SEVEN??  
>  ZEN: Are you okay?? How did you get back????  
>  707: Umm,,,  
>  707: Hate to disappoint you but  
>  707: This isn’t Luciel.  
>  Yoosung: What?  
>  Yoosung: Then who are you?  
>  707: ...  
>  ZEN: Do you work for the prime minister or something? Was it you who took Seven??  
>  707: No.  
>  707: My name is Vanderwood.  
>  707: I’m Luciel’s partner.  
>  ZEN: Wait, as in Mary Vanderwood?  
>  707: Excuse me?  
>  ZEN: Uhh that’s just what he told us???  
>  707: Anyway  
>  707: Is Jumin Han here by any chance?  
>  707: I need his help to get Luciel.  
>  ZEN: You know where he is?  
>  707: I do.  
>  707: But, I must have Jumin Han to help me.  
>  Jumin Han has entered the chat  
>  Jumin Han: I’m here.  
>  Jumin Han: Is there anyway I can contact you?  
>  707: Uhh, calling Luciel’s phone should be fine.  
>  Jumin Han: Okay, be ready to answer.  
>  Jumin Han has left the chat  
>  707 has left the chat  
>  Yoosung: That was... quick ;;

-

“How is Lu-... Saeyoung doing?” Vanderwood corrected himself.

“Not much progress,” Jumin rubbed his temple, “He has not said a word since his rescue, and I also heard he has refused to eat.” Vanderwood sighed.

“This has got to be more than stubbornness... I’ll talk some sense into him.” Vanderwood left Jumin in the lobby before making his way to Saeyoung’s room.

He had heard that Saeyoung was getting his bandages removed, so he hoped he wouldn’t be interrupting something important. He turned the knob to the door, and saw Saeyoung.

Poor guy looked miserable, his dull eyes contrasted to the life they once held. 

Vanderwood wasn’t expecting him to be this hung up, he thought he would recover in a least a few hours, but after 3 days, no progress was made.

“Oi.” Vanderwood said so he could catch Saeyoung’s attention. He didn’t spare Vanderwood a glance.

“What’s up with you? Why are you acting like this?” Vanderwood walked towards him.

“I’m sorry I haven’t been visiting, I’ve been trying to get the agency off my back.” He looked down. “But, seriously, what’s going on?”

Saeyoung still didn’t move, the only thing indicating he was even alive was his chest  
falling up and down. Vanderwood took a better look at him.

Saeyoung looked like he hadn’t slept in days. Surprising since all he did now was sleep. While he wasn’t bone thin, he seemed to have been losing weight.

“And what’s with this?” Vanderwood gestured to Saeyoung arm, “Why haven’t you been taking care of yourself? All of your friends are worried about you.”

As expected, Saeyoung didn’t respond. “Can’t you at least say what happened? I still don’t know the details.” Saeyoung looked out the window and Vanderwood sighed, “Alright then, I’ll stay here until you talk.”

He knew Saeyoung was stubborn, and a pain, but he was really adamant on the whole _not talking_ thing. As the minutes went by, Vanderwood began to become more and more frustrated with Saeyoung.

 _Was he doing this just to spite everyone, I swear to god if this is a prank-_ “Ahem.”

Vanderwood turned and was a familiar figure with white hair. “Uhh, Saeran?” He said awkwardly, seeming to have almost forgotten his name.

“What seems to be the issue with Saeyoung this time?” Saeran asked, a bit of annoyance in his voice.

“The same, he’s still mute.” Vanderwood got up as Saeran walked in the room. “As expected, but I heard there was a new problem.” Vanderwood leaned awkwardly onto the wall.

“He hasn’t been eating.” He felt his stomach twist when he saw the way Saeran looked at Saeyoung.

Vanderwood thought he was one to glare daggers but, Saeran seems to have mastered that skill far better than Vanderwood had.

Why exactly was he staring at him like that? He knew Saeran wasn’t necessarily fond of his brother but, the way he looked at him showed so much more than that.

“Uhh, should I go?” Vanderwood had already gotten up to leave, “That’d be nice.” Saeran muttered back.

As Vanderwood stood outside of the door, he couldn’t bring himself to really move.

He had both Saeran’s chilling glare and Saeyoung’s melancholic face raced around his mind as he left the hospital.


	4. Talking With a Friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Seven’s getting released from the hospital tomorrow.” Yoosung looked up at Zen, “But will he be okay?”

-

> Yoosung: Hey, Zen?  
>  ZEN: Yeah?  
>  Yoosung: Can I come over?  
>  ZEN: Sure, why though?  
>  Yoosung: I just want to talk.

—

“Is everything alright?” Zen asked as he moved aside from the door so Yoosung could enter.

“Not really...” Yoosung mumbled and took a seat at Zen’s couch. Sighing, Zen took a seat next to him, and gave him a sympathetic look. “Is it about Seven?”

Yoosung’s face somehow looked sadder, “Why is he acting like that...?” Yoosung sounded like he could break down at any moment. Zen looked at the ground.

“I don’t know, maybe something happened while he was held hostage.” Yoosung shook his head. “Still, this isn’t normal for him.” Yoosung let one tear fall before he whipped his face rapidly.

“Hey, hey, it’s going to be alright, I’m sure he’s happy that we’re all here for him, even if he isn’t really showing it.” Zen patted Yoosung on the back as he whipped his nose.

“Zen, he isn’t happy at all.” Yoosung looked Zen in the eye, “If he was he would’ve been talking, eating, and he would have smiled when he saw any of us come to see him.” Zen sighed, knowing his attempt at comforting Yoosung had failed.

“Can I be honest with you?” Yoosung turned a bit so he was facing Zen, “Of course.” He tired to sound reassuring, despite being a bit scared at what Yoosung was about to say.

“I’m so angry at Saeran.” Yoosung sighed out, “I... I understand he’s mad at Seven, but he isn’t helping at all with how he’s been treating him.” Zen’s face fell.

While he isn’t angry at Saeran, he did think Saeran needed to be a bit lighter on Seven at the very least.

He understands Saeran’s anger to Seven, since it reminds him of Zen and his own brother.

But, this anger was different, Saeran still felt abandoned by Seven, while Zen just felt his brother didn’t understand him.

MC seemed to have tired to make efforts to get Saeran to understand, but it fell on deaf ears. They really tired though.

Out of all the people in the world, Zen would think Saeran would at least listen to his lover.

“I just want Seven to be okay again...” Yoosung sobbed out, his emotions seeming to finally burst at the seems. 

Zen sighed and pulled him close, resting his chin on his forehead. 

“Even though Seven’s back, I still feel like he’s missing.” Zen nodded, having felt the same way.

“I want to see him smile again, and I want to hear his laugh again, and...” Yoosung trialed off, and held Zen tighter.

“I want him to come back, I want him to be okay.” Yoosung pulled himself away from Zen, “I don’t care how long it takes, I want to make Seven feel better.”

Zen sighed and patted Yoosung on the shoulder, “I’m not going to make any promises but, I think you will.” Just then, Zen’s phone buzzed. He pulled it out of his pocket and took a look.

> Jumin Han: I have gotten notified by Saeran that Saeyoung will be released from the hospital tomorrow, I’d like for all of you to come.

Zen took a long look at his phone before turning back to Yoosung. “What is it?”

“Seven’s getting released from the hospital tomorrow.” 

Yoosung looked up at Zen, “But will he be okay?”

“Huh?” Yoosung turned away, “Just because his wounds are healed, doesn’t mean he’s going to be okay...”

Yoosung was more than concerned, he was terrified. Would Seven _really_ be okay? He knows he’s going with Saeran after he leaves the hospital, but considering how Saeran is to him, would that really be the best choice for Seven?

He was snapped out of his thoughts when he felt Zen put a hand on his shoulder, “Listen, the jerk wants us there tomorrow, so I’d suggest you go home and get ready.” Yoosung sat still for a bit before nodding and getting up.

“Tomorrow, I want Seven to see how worried we are about him,” Yoosung made his way to the door, before he opened it, he looked at Zen.

“I want him to feel like himself when he leaves the hospital.”

—

The alarm clock felt like it went off too early. 

Yoosung slowly got up, and checked the time. 

Yup, this is definitely the time he set it up to.

As he got up, he remembered the talk he had with Zen. He maybe got a _bit_ to personal, but he felt like a weight had been lifted off of his chest that night. 

He had felt that way since he saw Seven in the hospital.

While he doesn’t know all of the details, Yoosung wants to help Seven, and make sure Seven gets better.

While he still feels bitter toward Saeran, he knows he needs to understand how he feels.

He remembered the time Jumin said to come to the hospital. 

There’s enough time to get ready and enough time to think about what to say to Seven.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alternative title: Zen being a mom friend for the 99th time


	5. He’s still not back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Saeran had felt this before, he was sure. He couldn’t even react before feeling himself get pulled away from his body.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this is well overdue.

“MC?”

“Yes?”

“Should I wear a tie?”

Today’s the day. Saeyoung was given the official _Okay_ to leave the hospital. Since Saeran was Saeyoung’s only family member left, he’d be the one to take him in. Whether Saeran was okay with that or not was still left up for debate.

“Hmm, I think you’d look nice, and I think most of the RFA members will at least dress nicely so, I’d say yes.” MC was already in their attire and was really just messing with their hair at this point.

Saeran looked at himself in the mirror. Since he started a more healthy diet he’s been losing his boney frame, the bags under his eyes are becoming less visible and his red hair seemed to be growing in.

He’s still contemplating whether or not he should bleach it again.

“You need help?” MC had put a hand on his shoulder, seeming to have noticed his trouble with the tie.

“Uh, yes, please.” He turned to them, watching their face focus on his neck and getting the tie secured.

It was a simple black tie, with two sliver strips lining the bottom. 

“Okay, you ready?” MC asked, and Saeran felt himself gulp. He was sure he was, but his body still felt hot.

“Yes.” He said, trying to sound confident, but more so sounding like a nervous squeak. MC sighed a bit, and leaned up to kiss him.

“If you ever want to leave early, let me know, okay?” They held his hand tightly, and Saeran smiled with gratitude.

“I will.” He said as he lead them out the door. After a while of waiting, a sleek black car showed up. The driver unrolled the window.

“Mr. Han is in the back.” He said, Saeran nodded in response.

As expected, when the both of them stepped in, Jumin was at the window seat. Dressed in clad as usual. MC was in the middle and Saeran took the other side of the area.

“Thank you for driving us, Jumin.” MC said, Jumin nodded, “It’s not a problem.” 

Saeran checked the messenger.

Jaehee had said she’s on her way. Both Zen and Yoosung would be going together. 

The car ride had felt so much shorter than it should have. He felt a wave of emotions hit him as he looked up at the hospital.

“MC, did you-“, MC nodded, “Yes, here.” MC had taken a bag of clothes with them. Since Saeyoung didn’t have anything to wear when he’d leave the hospital, they’d need to get him something.

All three of them stepped out of the car, MC waving at the driver as he pulled away.

 _The wind is really strong today..._ he thought as he walked into the lobby.

Soon, the other RFA members piled in. Yoosung had some more formal clothing on, but nothing too fancy, while both Zen and Jaehee looked the same.

“Are you here for Saeyoung Choi?” A nurse had asked him, he sighed.

“Yes, all of us are. Here are the clothes for him.” The nurse nodded and took the bag. 

Why did he feel so annoyed? Saeyoung wasn’t here, but even the mention of him grinded his gears to no end.

He sat down next to Jumin, who gave him a understanding look. “Nice tie.” He said, Saeran huffed out a laugh. “Thanks, you too.” 

He noticed Yoosung sat a chair away from him. He had a stern expression on his face, and was playing with his thumbs. Saeran took this as a time to be at least a little nice.

“Is everything okay?” Yoosung shot his head up and breathed in deeply, “I’m fine.” He said, having a more serious tone than usual.

He even sounded a bit... angry?

Why would he be angry? Was he angry at him? Did he do something to make the blonde mad at him?

Before he could catch himself over thinking, the voice of the nurse before took him out of his thoughts.

“Mr. Choi, could you sign this, please.” He looked up, and saw Saeyoung. 

He internally cringed at the way he looked.

Due to his regular glasses being lost after he was rescued, he was given thick black rimmed ones. He wore the black jacket he and MC bought for him, jeans, and the same shoes he wore when he was rescued.

While Saeran’s appearance had seemed to have improved, Saeyoung’s had got the opposite.

The bags were noticeable under the frames. His eyes were dull and still had a frown plastered under them, and he seemed to have gotten thinner. So much more thinner than he was two days ago.

 _He still hasn’t eaten..._

He couldn’t help but return Saeyoung’s frown, the only difference was his eyebrows being more furrowed.

“You feeling better, Seven?” Yoosung had already gotten up from his seat. He greeted him with a warm smile, which Seven didn’t return.

Saeran had also gotten up to fill out the paperwork.

“If he is still feeling pain, these should help.” The nurse handed him a bag, he looked in and saw a orange bottle with pills.

“They’re painkillers.” The nurse confirmed, and Saeran nodded.

“Saeyoung.” Saeran called out in a monotone voice.

Saeyoung took his gaze from Yoosung and looked at Saeran.

 _Stop looking at me like that..._ , “Come on, we need to go.”

—

“You’ll be staying here!” MC opened the door to Saeyoung’s new room.

It was simple, a bed, desk, and a closet. Saeyoung walked in and motioned to MC that they could go now.

“Just let me know if you need anything, okay?” Saeyoung nodded at them before closing the door. As they left to go to the kitchen, they felt their phone buzz in their pocket.

They were surprised to see who the text was from.

> 707: How did you get the house?

MC smiled a bit and responded.

> MC: It was a gift from Jumin actually. Did you know Saeran works for his company now?

While MC would have preferred for Saeyoung to talk to them verbally, they assumed this was better than nothing. At least he was actually communicating with them rather than becoming a recluse.

Soon, another text came in.

> 707: He must be making good money. What does he do?

Before they could respond, a knock was at the door. MC quickly left their place in the hall and went to answer.

“Yoosung?” 

Yoosung stood at the door with a bashful smile, still in the same clothes he was wearing at the hospital.

“H-hey MC.” He rubbed the back of his head, “Am I allowed to visit Seven?” 

MC furrowed their brow, “Uhm, I don’t think this is a good time, he’s still trying to adjust-“ Yoosung almost immediately cut them off.

“I just!... want to make sure he’s okay...” Yoosung looked towards the ground, in shame.

“I don’t think I’ve been helping as much as I could... and I want to change that. Can I see him please?”

—

Yoosung was lucky MC even let him into the house.

He couldn’t bring himself to just leave Seven the way he was. Emotionless. Unexpressive. Not bothering to even sigh in anyone’s general direction.

“He’s in here. Seriously Yoosung, _please_ don’t wear him out, he’s still recovering.” MC said, almost pleadingly. They slowly opened the door. Seven was on the bed, phone in his hand, laying down with his back against the pillows.

He looked up at them slowly, expression not changing. 

“Can Yoosung stay for a bit?” MC motioned their arm to Yoosung, who stood behind them awkwardly, waving at him.

He stayed still before nodding. As MC left, Yoosung walked in and took a seat at the desk, wanting to give Seven space.

“How are... you doing now?” Yoosung stared at Seven, who seemed to avoid his gaze. He grabbed his phone and began typing, and Yoosung soon felt his phone buzz in his pocket.

> 707: I’m okay.

Yoosung beamed at the text alone. While the words contrasted with Seven’s current state, he was happy that he still was able to find ways to talk to them.

“That’s good! I’m really happy MC let me come here.” Yoosung laughed a bit, and noticed Seven typing again.

_Bing!_

> 707: Why are you here anyway?

Yoosung let out another laugh, though more breathy.

“I just want to make sure you’re okay.” Yoosung pouted a bit, “With how Saeran has been treated you, you’re becoming less like yourself.”

His phone buzzed again.

> 707: Saeran hasn’t done anything wrong.

He couldn’t believe what he saw.

What does he mean Saeran hasn’t done anything wrong? For all the time Seven has been back, Saeran treated him like garage. Glaring at him, always talking to him as if he had done something wrong.

And the fact that Seven was just taking it and acting as if what Saeran is doing to him is totally okay made his face heat up in slight anger.

“You don’t have to act like that just because he’s your brother.” Yoosung said quietly, so maybe Seven wouldn’t hear him.

Seven have him a quick glance before typing again.

> 707: I deserve it.

“What?!” Yoosung shouted out accidentally, somewhat startling the redhead near him.

“No, you don’t!” The blonde almost hopped out of his seat and Seven finally met his eyes.

“All Saeran did was treat you horribly! He knew full well you just got out of a life or death situation and he still treated you like crap!” _God, I hope MC can’t hear me..._

He could see Seven’s brows furrow under his thick frames, the most emotion he’s shown in a while.

Another buzz came from Yoosung’s phone.

> 707: Don’t act like you know everything.

“I’m not.” Yoosung scooted himself back in the seat, “I don’t have to know everything to know that the way Saeran is acting to you is awful.”

> 707: He has every right to treat me awfully.

Tears brimmed at his eyes, his eyes glistening with anger and sorrow. He didn’t expect to get emotional so fast. The fact that Seven could only say all of this through text rather than actually _say_ it only added flame to the fire.

“No he doesn’t!” The blonde got up from his seat fully and walked towards the former hacker.

“You don’t have to always be around him! You don’t owe him anything! Why do you just sit there and take it?! Why?!” Yoosung fell on his knees, tears that were packed away finally falling from his eyes, droplets falling on his arms, and sliding onto the ground.

He felt a hand on his shoulder, and when he looked up, Seven was kneeling in front of him. 

He pointed at the door.

Yoosung didn’t say anything when he grabbed his phone and left Seven’s room. He felt it buzz in his hand, but didn’t bother to check it.

“Yoosung?” Before he could leave, he heard a voice behind him.

Saeran stood there. He looked confused. Had he not heard anything? 

Without responding, he walked out of the door, but a hand made him snap back around.

“When did you get here?” Yoosung glared daggers at the white haired male. Saeran hesitantly removed his hand and stepped back a bit.

“Please just... don’t talk to me.” Yoosung mumbled, anger clear in his voice.

Saeran’s eyebrows arched, “Excuse me? What did I do exactly?”

“Don’t try to act like you’re innocent!” Yoosung shouted unintentionally. Saeran’s eyes widened and he stepped back.

“You said you’d try to forgive Seven when he came back, and now you’re being a complete jerk!” Yoosung watched Saeran’s face contort, trying to find the right words.

“You don’t understand what I’m going through right now.” Yoosung took a step closer.

“You don’t understand what Seven is going through right now! He’s suffering too, why can’t you see that?!” Yoosung shouted louder than he meant to, but even Saeran’s slightly scared expression couldn’t snap him out of his rage.

“Why did you have to make this about you?! You’re not the only one who’s going through a hard time!” And then, the biggest regret left Yoosung’s mouth.

“Don’t be such an _Airhead!_ ”

Saeran’s face went from slightly nervous to terrified in a matter of seconds.

Before Yoosung’s face could soften, Saeran had already ran inside.

_Oh no..._

—

He felt so dizzy as he ran back into the house, passing MC and slamming their bedroom door shut.

Waves upon waves of repressed memories came flooding into his mind. None of them were pleasant in the slightest.

He heard MC yelling for him outside the door, since he locked it after he sprinted inside the room.

As more and more unwanted flashbacks swirled around his head, he felt himself become disoriented.

Saeran had felt this before, he was sure. He couldn’t even react before feeling himself get pulled away from his body.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gentle reminder that although Yoosung is super sweet he can be real nasty when he’s upset.


	6. A Ray of Hope

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> MC took a good look at Saeran, and realized something.
> 
> “Ray?” They said softly, “Is... that you?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Was actually planing on posting this later, but I finished it earlier than I expected.
> 
> Sorry for the long wait.

They waited at the door, trying to connect the dots of what had happened.

They already knew that Yoosung was responsible for Saeran’s outburst, but how? What had Yoosung done that caused him to shut himself out completely?

“Saeran?” They called out once more, “Please, let me in?” They waited, and waited, and waited. Footsteps soon made their way to the entrance, and suddenly, MC was able to open the door.

Saeran stood there, but something was... off.

“Saeran? Is everything okay?” Saeran shook his head rapidly, “D—Don’t!” His breathing became quicker and hands soon found themselves gripping onto white locks.

“Where am I? Where am I?” Saeran, presumably, looked around the room for an answer.

“MC?!” He yelled out loud and soon flinched backward into the room. This scared expression, they’ve seen it before.

MC took a good look at Saeran, and realized something.

“Ray?” They said softly, “Is... that you?”

MC began to slowly walk toward Ray’s shaking form, being cautious that they may scare him off if they walk too quickly.

“Please...” He choked out, “What’s going on?”

MC took a long breath before putting on a sympathetic smile, “You’re at home.” They felt their heart beat slower when Ray didn’t try to move away from them anymore.

“Home?” His eyes were as wide as plates, and soon took another gander around the room he was in, “M—Magenta?” MC shook their head, taking another step towards him.

“We’re not in Magenta anymore, Ray.” They gently placed a hand on his shivering shoulder. Terrified expression still remaining on his pale face.

Oh, he has some catching up to do.

Having to explain the situation was like describing colors to a blind person. Ray has been gone for months, heck, MC assumed he didn’t exist anymore. That he and Saeran eventually merged and become one, so why was Ray here?

What they were most scared about was the possibility that Ray might end up trying to run back to Rika once he gets the full story.

“All you need to know is that you never have to go back there again,” MC concluded, “You have people who love and cherish you now, including me.”

Ray let out a shaky sigh, overwhelmed with all the new information MC just explained to him.

“Do you want to sit down?” MC gestured towards the bed, “N-no...” he placed a hand on his head.

“How did I come back...?” Ray had sighed out, barely over a whisper. MC placed a finger on their chin, “What’s the last thing you remember?” They had suggested, now looking for an answer for what was going on.

“I...” Ray paused, head held low, “remember you.” He winced a bit, and MC caught on to what he was talking about. “When I had ran off, I was in darkness once more. I felt so scared, I wanted to scream, but I couldn’t move my body, then, suddenly, I saw you again.” Ray stammered out.

“I wasn’t the one talking, but I heard what he was saying, and...” He trailed off a bit, trying to recollect his memory. “Everything went dark again. I felt this... _splitting feeling_ and... now I’m here.”

While still being confused, MC gave him a reassuring smile, and placed a hand on his shoulder, “It’s okay if you don’t remember everything. Is... Saeran okay?”

Ray bit his lip, “I’m not sure. Something probably happened, since I’m here.” MC’s hand left his shoulder, but the smile still remind. 

While they didn’t want to think about it, they couldn’t help but assume Yoosung had most likely done something. What could he have done though? Yoosung wouldn’t do anything so overwhelming that it caused Ray to return. Would he?

MC began to notice Ray’s eyes becoming half-lidded, as he tried to fix his posture. ”Are you tired? You can sleep if you want.” Ray stood still before nodding and letting MC lead him to the bed.

He seemed to have immediately fell asleep, eyes closing the minate his head touched the pillow. MC didn't know who they may see when he wakes up, but they were prepared.

They only hoped that Saeran would be okay.

—

Night had fallen. Saeyoung had assumed both MC and Saeran were asleep. Today’s events still circled around his mind. 

He no doubt tarnished his and Yoosung’s friendship. Possibly forever. He didn’t know how to feel. Yoosung didn’t seem mad at him, more so at Saeran. That didn’t sit well with him.

Yoosung had acted as if he had known the full story, as if he had been what Saeran had been through, that alone made his blood boil.

_Can you really blame him? You’re being so stupid right now, how many more relationships will you ruin now?_

He looked at the last text he sent to Yoosung.

> 707: I’m sorry.

Another half-assed apology. He knew that a simple sorry would not able to fix the destruction he had caused.

Should he try and text him again? Maybe ask what had happened after he had left? He had heard somebody run inside the house. He had texted MC about it but they never responded.

His fingers moved on their own, and he soon found himself texting the blonde.

> 707: You there?

It was 10:00 pm, so he had assumed that Yoosung was probably still up. He looked intently at the phone.

_”You there?” Really? That’s all you can say? How could you act so casual after all that had happened? How insensitive are you?_

A loud ringtone interrupted his thoughts, Yoosung was calling. Without a second thought he taped decline.

He couldn’t. He just couldn’t. He had nothing important to say, he never did. All he could do is muster out a sorry.

> Yoosung: Why did you decline?

_Because I don’t want to mess up more things._

> 707: Because it’s late and I don’t want to wake up Saeran or MC.

A long pause followed before his phone buzzed in his hand once more.

> Yoosung: Is Saeran okay?

Saeyoung looked at the screen with a puzzled look. Why would he ask that? And why specifically Saeran? It didn’t help that Saeyoung just didn’t know if he was.

He didn’t interact with Saeran unless Saeran or MC enticed it.

_You don’t even bother trying to communicate with the brother you left behind? Pathetic._

He couldn’t lie to Yoosung and say yes, nor could he say no. Instead, he tried to see if he could pry some answers out of him.

_Don’t act like it's your business. Then again, all you do is snoop around._

> 707: Did something happen?

Silence.

_Bing!_

> Yoosung: I might have done something really stupid. I’m surprised you didn’t hear.

Oh god. He got more questions than answers. He began to wonder what had happened after Yoosung had left his room. Then, a memory popped up in his head. Before Yoosung had left the house, he had heard Saeran try to talk to him.

And then... someone ran inside.

He somehow forgot that. It seems as though his ability to remember things has been fading, too.

Worry was soon replaced with anger. God knows what Yoosung may have done. 

_Don’t act like you're protective of him still. If you were you wouldn’t have made so many mistakes._

> 707: What did you do?

He swore he could feel his phone crack with how hard he was holding it.

> Yoosung: It would be so much easier to say it to you, but you don’t want to call me because you’re still giving everyone the silent treatment.

God, what’s with Yoosung and being able to tear him up inside so easily? Not only was he now refusing to tell him what had happened, he’s using his silence as a way to get to him.

_Can you blame him for being mad at you? Here you are, destroying the one good friendship you had, and you’re mad at him?_

Another call from Yoosung vibrated in his hands, and this time he answered.

“Seven?” Yoosung’s voice was surprisingly soft. He had expected to hear him yell like he did earlier.

_What? Why aren’t you saying anything? Cat caught your tongue?_

“Look, I know you won’t talk, so, I’ll just explain.” Yoosung said, and Saeyoung sighed softly.

_Please stop calling me Seven._

“After I left your room, Saeran tried talking to me, and... I got upset. I didn’t like how he was oblivious to how he was treating you, so I yelled at him, hoping to at least smack some sense into him and...” Yoosung went silent.

“I said something I shouldn’t have.” He wanted to ask what, but his voice still couldn’t be found. All he did was let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding.

And hanging up.

> 707: What the hell did you say?

__

_Aren’t you being aggressive to someone you hurt._

> Yoosung: I called him... an airhead. He ran back inside the house.

He almost responded, but his fingers wouldn’t budge.

_He wouldn’t have done that if you had just decided to stop being selfish and talk. You don’t have the right to be mad. You ruined everything. Don’t act like a victim. What he did was nothing compared to what you did._

> 707: Don’t talk to me anymore. I’m sorry.

He placed his phone on the nightstand next to his bed, and buried his face in the pillow.

If his and Yoosung’s relationship was already cracking, it was sure as hell broken beyond repair now.

Somehow, he had already ruined two things in a matter of two days.

_That’s a record! I bet you could do better. How about a day, maybe an hour? You’re so good at fucking up I think you could pull it off._


	7. Marked for Ruin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Her words still lingered in his mind as his head shot awake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW for child abuse.

“Let me know if there’s anymore I can do for you.” He gripped Saeyoung’s hands, giving him the feeling of protection, he felt the money crumble when he squeezes them reassuringly. 

“Thank you,” Saeyoung said with a tired sigh as V let go of his fingers, and waved goodbye to him as he walked back to the cathedral. Fear engulfed Saeyoung when he could no longer see V. With V, he felt the safest. He had already met V a few weeks ago, Rika introduced him to Saeyoung. 

Rika most likely let him know of Saeyoung’s living situation, and the blue-haired man went out of his way to provide for him. When Saeyoung would go out for errands, his mother would sometimes not leave enough money for him, he couldn’t ask for more, not like he would want to.

V and Rika didn’t know the full story. They assumed he was just a poor and neglected boy looking after his brother. He couldn’t let them know the full truth, god knows what could happen.

He didn’t mean to get attached, but whenever they were gone, Saeyoung’s fears and insecurities would come rushing towards him in a bolt. Occupying his mind until he saw V and Rika again.

Saeyoung quickly ran towards the nearest  
convenience store, knowing his curfew would be over soon. Thought of being late horrified him to no end. Not for his sake, for Saeran’s.

He didn’t care what would happen to him, he knew for a fact if he wasn’t home in time, she’d take it out on Saeran. Saeyoung never forgave himself when it happened.

Saeyoung was in a rush, grabbing things here and there of what he needed. He was going so fast other customers began to give him odd looks. Others commented on how tattered his clothes were. Some talked about how dirty he looked. His plan of not being noticed failed.

The cashier never wondered why a boy barely over the age of 18 would come by himself to get medicine, alcohol, and groceries. She simply gave off the impression of not caring. 

He was more often than not catching his breath on the way back home. His legs felt weak, his head was dizzy, he felt nauseous. He didn’t know if it was because he was pushing himself too hard, or the fact that he hadn’t eaten in 3 days. V and Rika would give him food, which he’d eventually give to Saeran.

Before long, he sprinted through the door, only to see his mother, already waiting for him. 

She sat on the makeshift couch, bottles of wine and other alcoholic beverages scattered around her. He wanted to gag at the smell.

“10 minutes late.” She spoke, low and raspy. Despite being afraid, he didn’t let it show.

“Doesn’t matter, I got your stuff.” He spoke more boldly than he wanted. He walked towards her, knees shaking, and set the bag next to her. She began digging through the contents, pulling out wine bottles, and a couple of bags of bread. A grimace fell on her face when she had picked up the bottle of medicine.

“Wrong one.” All color left Saeyoung’s face, “Y-you sure?”

Fury burned in her eyes, she roughly shoved Saeyoung away from her.

“Don’t you dare question me!” She screeched, “You think you know more than I do?!”

“No, no, I don’t I-“ A stomp to the chest made him cut off.

“You must think you’re so smart, don’t you?! Do you think you’re smarter than me?! You think you know more than me?!” Right up against his face, he could practically taste the alcohol.

“Quit acting like you’re more than you really are! You think you’re smart, you think you’re strong, all because you’re more privileged than _that bug!_ ” She yanked his hair, making him sit up. 

“You’re nothing! You’re not above me or him, you’re worse!” Saeyoung tried his best to make sure the tears forming in his eyes wouldn’t fall. 

“Do you want to know why he’s so weak? Why he’s so frail? It’s because of you! You took all his strength from him! If you were never born, he would have been strong!” Hearing that pierced him right through the chest. Yes, he already knew this, but hearing his mother affirming his thoughts only intensified his self-loathing.

“You were born only to bring trouble, you ruined the life of the one you cared about the most, how could you be so selfish.” Slowly, she picked up the bottle closet next to her.

“Selfish, selfish termite.” She said, her voice scratchy from the yelling, “Just die already, save some strength for him.”

Just as the bottle was about to hit his head, Saeyoung woke up. Her words still lingered in his mind as his head shot awake.

He breathed heavily, beads of sweat dripping from his face, along with tears. He looked around the room. The room MC said was his. He pinched the bridge of his nose a sighed loudly, trying to replace fear with annoyance, but his rapidly beating heart wouldn’t let him do so. 

_Water_ , he thought, _I need water._

Legs still shaking, he rosed from his bed and walked out of the door. He was surprised to see the lights still on. He was more surprised to see MC, at the counter table with a cup of tea next to them.

It wasn’t morning, the sun still wasn’t out yet. 

“Saeyoung?” They called out to him. He froze in place and stared at them like a deer in headlights. A gentle smile formed on their face, and suddenly all of Saeyoung’s tension was gone. 

God, how did they do that?

“Everything okay?” They said. Saeyoung noticed that the tea they had was probably forgotten about awhile ago. He opened his mouth but no words came out. He only sighed, mostly at himself. 

“You feel asleep in jeans?” They commented jokingly, “Uh, here, come sit next to me.” They pulled a chair out for him.

He hesitantly sat down and watched MC bring out their phone and open the notepad app.

“Type what you want to say here.” They said, pushing it in his direction. He picked it up and typed away.

_What are you doing up?_

“Oh, I just...” They paused, “Saeran isn’t doing too well right now.” Saeyoung’s head shot up in worry before MC put their hands up.

“It’s nothing to worry about! He’ll be fine tomorrow, I promise.” Their eyes trailed off to the side, looking at the cream colored wall.

Saeyoung was able to connect the dots pretty easily, it was because of the incident with Yoosung. He wanted to tell them, to say it. He opened his mouth.

No words came out.

His face contorted in frustration. He was fully capable of talking, his voice box wasn’t damaged, why couldn’t he talk.

“Aw, geez.” They giggled and looked at their phone in Saeyoung’s hand, “It’s a bit late, yeah? We should go to bed.” Saeyoung handed the phone back as they got up.

“Oh, and you can finish the tea if you want. It’ll help you sleep better.” They said before leaving.

He stared at it. He doesn’t think it’ll help.

_You don’t deserve it._

He doesn’t think he needs to sleep right now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is so late. Sorry about that. I was going to post this earlier but school’s been keeping me busy. 
> 
> I’m so ready for summer oof.


End file.
